I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
