Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
