wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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