I cannot find my penis.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
