yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
