Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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