Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
