you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
