false alarm. still invincible.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
