Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
