I think my vagina is haunted
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
