I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
