went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
