you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
