We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
