Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
