I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
