I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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