It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
