sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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