Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
