The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
