One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ttyl tear gas
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
