she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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