Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
