it was like eating out sand paper
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
