I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
