Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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