I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
