you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
