Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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