I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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