I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
