Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
