You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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