I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
