Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
