We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
