Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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