I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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