is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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