today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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