I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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