ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
