you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My bed smells like the plague
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
