I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
