i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
