Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
