If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
