I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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