guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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