My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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