Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
