How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
