Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
