Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
