worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
