Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
